A few of you may have read this post.
And well ya, I didn't take the news about adhesions particularly well. Thank you for being kind and helpful. I did openly sob and felt very hurt and betrayed by the possibility. Often when I am triggered I only see the bad.
So today I'm gonna run through how I got through it.
1. I named the emotions and I expressed them.
I am sad. I am angry. I feel betrayed. This is helpful because like many people who repress or hide their feelings I often don't know what I am feeling or I am trying so hard to repress it, it just makes it work. Once they have names and you kinda know what it is, it oddly gets easier. I cried which I usually hold it all in until my face hurts.
2. I self validated.
It's okay for me to be upset. It's okay I am devastated. It's understandable that this news is upsetting for me. It's okay to cry. I assured myself that I didn't need to solve this problem right away. That it was okay if I left it alone for a bit. There was no need to rush or jump to conclusions.
Prior to this, I would have told myself that I am over reacting and making something out of nothing. I would have blamed myself and discounted my feelings as mad ravings. I would have punished myself for being angry and would have told myself "what did you expect stupid?"
The new way is far more effective.
3. I reached out and expressed myself
I posted on GT and writing out what was happening helped because it made it easier for me to understand what I was going through. I could intellectualize it, but not remove myself from the experience.
4. I took care of myself
I wrapped myself in a blanket, choose to order in comfort food, and watched an action movie and played Batman Arkham City. Vigilante stuff seems to be my go to comfort entertainment because they are people who were made to feel helpless and then choose to do something to change the world around them. This narrative always feels very empowering to me, because I feel helpless and I want to change the world around me. I want things to be better, even though sometimes I really just want to nuke it all from orbit.
(I need to read more Batgirl and Batwoman.)
5. One things settled emotionally I could be wise
I didn't need to think of the worse case scenario. I assured myself that if I needed surgery again I could leave the moment I felt I wasn't being listened too. That this time I was better equipped to handle it. That I don't need it right now and can focus on getting better mentally and then I'll work on the physical stuff. Right now, take it easy and enjoy the evening.
Don't give up.
The tears stopped. The food was mostly not good. I wanted more Catwoman in the Batman game. I had a headache for about 2 days. But I didn't completely let my feelings take me hostage. I drew a line. Felt bad for as long as I needed and I got through it.