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Dealing w/ friends who bail

TW: minor mental health talk

Hey y’all, I’m looking for some advice. I have a lovely friend who’s newish in my life (we’ve been friends about six months). Twice in the last two weeks, she has bailed on plans with me. This is a higher incident rate than usual, but this has definitely happened before. I am extremely busy and would have made other plans otherwise, so cancelling last-minute really frustrates me and wastes my time. Cancelling on plans 2-4 hours before said thing doesn’t give me a lot of room to make other plans or do something else. In addition to being busy (where to make one set of plans I’m usually having to decline another set), I’m really married to my commitments. If I say I’m going to do something, I’m going to do it. Bailing on things is something I bend over backwards to avoid and I find it disrespectful when people do it to me.


Here’s the snag: this friend is on anti-depressants and has some other neurodivergent things going on. When she bails, I get the impression it’s because she just doesn’t feel up to it or needs to tend to herself. I get that and I am generally sympathetic, but it makes me want to back off making plans with her, or make plans with her assuming they won’t follow through. Neither are ideal. So what do I do in this scenario? I want to be compassionate and support her when she needs to take care of herself, but bailing on things is really irksome for me and something I try to avoid doing myself. How do I balance these?

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