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Dealing with my SO's Ex? UPDATE

UPDATE: Welp. She’s applying for a new job. Which for a hot second was exciting because yay maybe she won’t be there! But then I started to wonder... is she applying for the same job? There are a couple other positions open there... and you guessed it.. she’s applying for a job at the coworking company. And she was approached by them to do it, which means she’ll probably get it. So. There’s my answer. I probably could have hacked it out working peripherally near her, occasionally with/for her, but there is absolutely no way I could work directly with her on a team like that. :/

So I applied for a job that I really think I would be great at. It’s a front desk position at a coworking space. I actually worked in the coworking space for one of their member companies for a while last year, so I’m familiar with the business, what they do, and the people I’d be working with. I’m really excited by the prospect of working there, doing more with my life than the few hours I work at the store, and having the chance to network with a huge number of startups in Seattle. The extra cash flow doesn’t hurt, considering the tough times we keep finding ourselves in. The problem is Mr.TenInch’s ex wife. She currently works for one of the member companies at the coworking space. If I were to get this job, my position would probably mean that I would see her on a fairly regular basis, if not actually have to deal with her directly.

Here’s the sitch:

1. I met Mr.TenInch all of two weeks after their explosive break up. She left him. I honestly did not know how recent or how explosive it had been. It was a year later that Mr.TenInch made a comment about it being a two week window and it blew my mind. We moved really quickly, and he moved in with me two weeks after we met. It was more a practical resolution to 3 people’s problems (his, mine, my roommate’s) than “we’re so in love!” but it just kinda stuck and it soon became “we’re so in love!”


2. About a month after we met he posted a couple pictures of us together on his instagram, and his ex’s father BLEW UP on him over facebook. Name calling, finger pointing, “disappointed in you” the works.

3. About 6 months ago - around the year mark of our relationship/their split, I made the mistake of contacting her to try and obtain something she had taken with her in the separation/move that had significant sentimental value for Mr.TenInch. They had been talking more recently and seemed to be on better footing. Things like “I’d like to be friends again someday” were being exchanged, so I thought she would be receptive to a polite, unaccusing email asking for the thing if it suited her to give it. This was a big mistake on my part. Looking back, I don’t know why I thought it would go any other way, except the way that it went. She freaked out and emailed Mr.TenInch telling him to tell me to never contact her again, etc. etc. I did not contact her again, not even to apologize. (she did send him the thing)

4. She is dragging her feet in sending Mr.TenInch their divorce papers. They are still legally married. She left him, but she won’t send him the divorce papers. It’s always a “oh I had someone look over them and then forgot,” or “i’m going out of town tomorrow, i’ll do it next week.” It’s been several months of this.

So all of these things make me wonder if it’s worth even trying for the job? Would the anxiety of having to see/work with someone who actually hates me be worth a job that I would rock at? If I get an offer, do I take it? If I take it do I just surprise her by showing up at the front desk one day or should I have him tell her gently so she’s not blindsided by it?


TL;DR: I want a job, but my partner’s ex wife works there too and she hates me. What do I do.

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