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Dear Prudence Presents: Unilateral Decison-Making

One of the things I like about advice columns is getting a little bit of insight into all the different ways people like to live their lives. A lot of time, how they choose to run things is like a complete 180 from the way I want to live, but someone else's nontraditional relationship doesn't hurt me any. As long as everyone's happy, what right do I have to judge? I remember one Dan Savage column from a while ago where this guy described how his lady laid down the rules when they first got together. He had to remain totally faithful, but she could fuck whoever she wanted, and their wedding night featured the best man screwing the bride while the groom whacked off. At first I had a pretty visceral reaction to how sucky that state of affairs sounded, but the guy said it was pretty much the hottest thing ever and they were both deliriously happy. Good that they found what they were looking for, but Prudie just got a letter from someone experiencing a few problems within the context of a "female-led relationship."

Wikipedia defines this as "a romantic heterosexual relationship in which both partners agree that the woman will act as the leader and ultimate authority." It's a little different from being like Promise Keepers for ladies, since the job involves assuming the role of domme as well as head of household. The letter writer says that "Before we got married, I agreed that she could 'take other lovers,' while I would remain faithful to her alone. She said that she might not ever see anyone else, but she liked that I knew she could." Though he doesn't bring it up, my research informs me there's also a decent chance that his dick was locked into a chastity belt at the time of writing. The problem he's experiencing is that Goddess Martha's pregnant now, and the time of conception lines up a lot better with her last business trip than with one of the infrequent occasions when he's released from the CB-3000. Though the question of paternity is a subject of great personal interest, the conditions of his marriage apparently don't allow for him to ask a direct question and get a straight answer in return. As he says, "I'm afraid of how it would come across. Should I ask, or just wait to see if the baby looks like me?"


Prudie must really be working to get out from under her reputation for getting sidetracked on the weird stuff, because she leaves the judgment behind and focuses on the heart of the matter. You've got to have communication in any successful marriage, and that goes double for when you start opening things up and banging other people. Their communication sucks, and that's the rock upon which their happy little femdom partnership is going to founder. She says to go to marriage counseling, like she always does, though I guarantee that finding one appropriate for their situation is going to be an issue. Personally, I always find it interesting to see where people draw the line in relationships. He was super happy with a lot of what would be total dealbreakers for me, but I guess raising another man's child as his own was still a bridge too far.

Stepping up the crazy conception questions, a woman wrote in regarding the insane lengths to which she was willing to go in order to become a grandmother. Her son and his wife always intended to have children, but were choosing to delay things until the time was right.In her infallible wisdom, the time was clearly well past right, and "I knew they were ready for kids and would make excellent parents." She claims that a quick search of their room revealed the condoms in the nightstand, which she promptly sabotaged. They got pregnant and had the kid, and while she has no regrets, she is feeling a tiny bit of guilt nagging away. She's thinking of assuaging it through a full confession, though as she says, she has no way of knowing if she truly was responsible for an unplanned pregnancy. I was thinking that she's not just hoping for forgiveness, but a thank you and maybe even an apology for making her wait so long for a precious grandbaby.

Prudie says the letter is F-A-K-E, because who uses a condom where the wrapper's clearly been torn open and clumsily resealed? That makes no sense at all, so she's choosing to respond in order to prove that while you may try, you can't put one over on old Prudie. Subsequent comments inform her that you don't need to remove the condom from the packaging before poking holes in it, and that the foil wrapper itself can be subtly pierced.Prudie is completely floored by this revelation and amends her advice to say that no, she should not tell them what she did, and cautions her not to repeat such behavior in the future. Good old Prudence – sharp as a brick.

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