I don't know if you think you're helping by telling me how my dog is going to die in pain from joint issues and diabetes when we're both out for our morning walk but YOU'RE NOT. Unless I ask you a specific question or I'm paying you for your information, STFU.

You're a fucking human being and not a walking Humane Society PSA ready to press play whenever a dog walks past you. My dog looks fat? You look like an asshole and pseudo-friendly concern-trolling neighborhood asshat who I greatly dislike and will now steer clear of when I see the barest sign of your two cute dogs.

See how I mentioned your dogs without describing them in some flaw finding way? I even complimented them despite your own jackass behavior. I could've mentioned in a damning way how they were off leash and lacked collars but you know fucking what? Everyone's situation is different. Every animal is different and I'm not going to judge. All I care about is if your dog is friendly and EVEN THEN I often offer people a chance to try meeting my dog because he's friendly and doesn't easily get angry.

You're more than your fucking job so how about you hold your doom-saying for the office and present yourself like a human being with feelings and the barest amount of social awareness before I decide to train my dog to shit on your lawn for the whole summer.

Picture: My own. That's my dog. That's the adorable smooshy face whose mom/owner you're pissing off.