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Defending My Name: The War Has Begun

I've been married for five weeks and three days.

I've been telling people that I will keep my last name upon marriage for about ten years now.

I've written a blog post as Belle Vierge and an article under my real name about why I'm keeping my last name and how some people react to that.


When my MIL created the family calendars this year, and she accidentally* listed me with my husband's name, my husband and I went through the entire group of 50+ calendars and edited all of them with my actual name before handing them out to the extended family.

At the family gathering for Easter last week, my MIL introduced me to the huge extended family with my first name AND my last name, my real last name, not my husband's last name.

And yet, this weekend, after we hosted a wonderful reception with his extended family to celebrate our marriage, we started opening gifts and cards. The vast majority of his family addressed the cards (and the checks) by addressing me with his last name.

On top of that, my husband relayed to me a conversation he had with his aunt, during which he mentioned that I was keeping my last name, so anything addressed to me should have my last name on it. To which she replied that she didn't see the need to do that because she's old-fashioned and thinks a woman should take her husband's last name.


And even though my husband's SIL (so my new BIL's wife) kept her last name too, she was apparently not motivated by feminist reasons and totally doesn't care if people mess it up. Which leaves me looking like the bad guy when I insist on people using my proper last name.

But I DO care, and I will fight this battle. I've already told my husband that I plan on signing thank-you notes to his entire family with my first and last name.


It's MY name, and I don't think I'm asking too much for that to be respected.

*Genuine accident, considering she also misspelled her oldest son's name.

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