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Depression advice/general whinging

So I officially hit eleven months of unemployment in three days, my unemployment payments were cut almost 20% last month (fucking sequestration), and my benefits run out altogether at the end of the year. On top of that, my BFF/housemate of twelve years moved out pretty unexpectedly a few months ago, leaving me in an even worse place financially and simultaneously removing a huge part of my support system. I'm a chronic depressive anyway, and I've been fighting severe depression on and off since I got laid off, but between my friend moving out and then not getting a job I was sure I had a few weeks ago, I'm having a whole lot of trouble coping. Like, not getting out of bed or managing to choke food down for two days at a stretch trouble coping.

Obviously I can't afford to just check out of my life right now—besides the horrible job market, it already looks bad that I've been out of work so long, and that just keeps getting worse. Plus going days without eating or taking my anti-depressant just makes things way worse. But knowing that is a lot easier than doing it, and I just.... basically can't deal with anything right now. Lying down with a pillow over my head completely shutting out the world is infinitely preferable to anything else I could be doing, pretty much all of the time.


I know in general the first thing would be to check my medication, but I don't have insurance and can't afford the multiple visits it would take to get that straightened out, and other than that... I don't know what to do. I know I have to get myself together, but no matter how often I tell myself that and how hard I try to do it, I just keep ending up checked out. And it seems like it's worse this time, because usually I can tell myself that I'm overreacting, that things aren't actually this bad and if I can just push through it, I'll see that... but this time it really is that bad. This time I'm pretty much fucked on a bunch of levels and I don't know if it's going to get better. I don't know there's anything I can do to make it better.

I'm pretty damned sure there are plenty of you who have been here before—do you have any thoughts/advice/whatever on how to push past the inanimate object stage into acting like a human being?

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