Okay. I get rock bottom depressed and completely irrational for about 5 days before my period starts. Tell me I’m not alone in this, please?
It just seems like, no matter what I do, I can’t really calm myself or reason my way out of it, even though I know it’s that time of the month. I’m pissed off at everyone and everything (myself first and foremost), everything I do is shit, I’m a huge fuck up, my friends hate me, I’m ugly, my boyfriend is going to leave me, life is pointless and full of suffering, people in general are hateful and rotten to the core, etc etc. My mind just goes to this really dark place and nothing seems to lift it, none of my normal self-care strategies seem to make a dent in it. Also, I have little to no motivation. I have negative fucks to give.
I was on birth control for awhile last year that really seemed to help, until I lost my insurance and my normally free month of pills became $130. I was switched to a generic that was $25 a month, but I had unbearable migraines on it, my sex drive disappeared, and it made me really edgy/aggressive. I dumped that one after four months and didn’t try anything else.
I don’t know if an SSRI or a different kind of mood altering medication would help when my symptoms are only for 4 or 5 days a month, and then seem to completely disappear when my period starts. But, it’s getting to the point where I don’t even want to leave my bed for those 5 days and I’m not okay with that.