Yeah, this is hitting me really hard right now...This has been my internal monologue for the past several days.
"Everyone hates you and you suck at everything and you're going to fail out because you're so incompetent. Did I mention everyone hates you? Also, don't bother killing yourself, you're going to die of a heart attack really soon. In fact, it will probably be during your presentation, just like in those nightmares you keep having." SHUT UP DEPRESSION!
So, I have my preliminary exam in April. Really important, like determines whether we stay in the PhD program or not important. My document I need to turn in beforehand is due next week. I keep trying to write it and these thoughts keep derailing me from it. So I'm not making as much progress as I would otherwise which, of course, makes these thoughts even worse. I've done a lot but there's still a ton left I need to do.
I thought that with the therapy and anti-depressant that this was under control. But I guess not. Sigh. Needed to get this written down. I'll see my therapist again early next week. I should probably head home and work from there a bit more instead of sitting in my office.