I've found that when What's-His-Name is travelling, I revert to the squaloriest version of myself. It's really bad. But he'll be home tonight, so I have to shovel the place out.

Here's what I've done so far today:

1. Sorted the 4 hampers of clean laundry that have been sitting here for a week (I sort them into piles of pants, shirts, socks & undies, towels & table linens, and WeePiglet.

2. Washed and dried the additional I don't know how many hampers of laundry that piled up over the past week while I wasn't feeling well and/or not giving a fuck.

3. Unfucked the stovetop, which... ugh, this fucking thing. I hate it. We're slowly saving up the cash necessary to do a kitchen renovation, and the first fucking thing I'm going to do is drag this shitty fucking asshole range out to the backyard and beat the everloving fuck out of it with a sledgehammer which I will purchase solely for this purpose.

4. Unfucked my tea kettle, which was getting all scaly and shit on the heating element. Yay white vinegar, fuck yeah!

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5. Unfucked all the bathroom drains, which are slow AT BEST. Woo Drano!

Next up:

1. Continue unfucking the kitchen. I have a pint glass problem, so I need to figure out what I can store and what will go in the cabinets. This problem also applies to coffee mugs.

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2. Designate an area of the basement as "garage sale shit pile" in case it EVER FUCKING WARMS UP and I can pile all this shit in the driveway and see if any suckers will buy any of it.

3. Actually FOLD all the laundry that I've piled up on my furniture.

4. Think really hard about sweeping and mopping the floors. Hope they will clean themselves. I want to get a Roomba, but I'm 100% certain that it will either take 1 pass across my floors and set itself on fire or Emergency Backup Dog will eat it.

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5. Change sheets on my bed.

6. Think really hard about vacuuming all the carpeted areas of the house. Decide not to.

7. Relax with a well-earned drink after being so awesome and adulting so hard.