I rarely start threads, but I’m in need of some insight and support. So, here it goes.
From my previous post — my husband and I got in a scary fight a few nights ago. Over the past week, we’ve been talking about politics because, well, duh, and he seemed to understand why Hillary Clinton was the sanest choice for President. Then after talking to his brother, he came home and dramatically changed his tune. On Tuesday night he started telling me really crazy, conspiracy-level shit. And he was really, really aggressive about it. Yelling and screaming, telling me I’m stupid for believing the liberal media, etc. When I wouldn’t give him the lighter that was in my bag (admittedly out of spite), he lunged at me and ripped the bag from my arms.
I have PTSD from previous abusive relationships and this really triggered me. My heart was racing and I was panicking. I started telling him you can’t do that kind of shit to me, you can’t attack me like that, and that I wanted to call the police. Which was dumb. I think I just said it because I wanted him to stop yelling. But he just kept yelling. I barely slept at all because he just had to unload everything on his mind.
So he slept out Wednesday night. He came back last night, doing the whole sorry thing, but he dropped some “but i’m right” bullshit here and there. I didn’t really interact with him. While I was trying to fall asleep he got up and went through his stuff, accusing me of stealing his shit. Heart started racing again.
Throughout this whole week, I was thinking about an earlier time when he had randomly accused me of poisoning his food. At the time I just thought he was just being a dick about my cooking. Which...wow. I feel really stupid missing that red flag now.
He is currently staying somewhere, I don’t know where, and posting a lot of Facebook about how great life is. When he came to pick up some clothes, he said I had some thinking to do and basically decided he was the victim here since I threatened to call the cops. Which I do feel bad about but I was legit panicking thinking he was going to hit me bc of PTSD.
I am sad and disappointed in myself. Mostly because I cannot seem to determine if this is straight forward abuse or if he is having some sort of mental health episode. I know it can be both, but I guess I’m wondering if I can really feel safe even if he gets treatment. Everything happened so fast, and we were relatively stable before this. I mean we had our fights, but it never escalated like that. And they were always about alone time, money or chores. Which I thought was pretty normal.
Anyway, I am seeing a counselor on Monday and I’m trying to decide on the best plan. I am leaning towards living apart and I feel really guilty about it. If he does have a mental health problem, is it really fair for me to leave because of it?
ALSO very concerning is that his brother’s wife “kind of stabbed” his brother while they were arguing a week ago?? He just dropped this in casually last night. Like it’s normal or nbd. That worries me.
So if you have any advice, stories, or just commentary, I would really appreciate some feedback. Gracias amigos !