Welcome To The Bitchery
Welcome To The Bitchery

There's always at least one of them in the invitation pile: that aunt who smells like moth balls, the uncle that tells vastly inappropriate jokes after half a drink, the maid of honor who bad mouths the bride during the toast — yup, it's THAT GUEST WHO SHALL REMAIN NAMELESS.

We all have people that we feel obligated to invite to the wedding, secretly pray that they'll have a conflict or be attacked by rabid brain raccoons on their way to the ceremony, but somehow, somehow...they always manage to make it. That guest, for me, is a former boss. Bear in mind as I tell this story that yes: there is video.

Everything on our wedding day was going off without a hitch. Everyone got to the church on time (not hard to do, considering it was a giant 110 year old Catholic church across the street from a major studio lot), the wedding dress fit, everyone had some champagne and there was minimal bitchery in the bridal suite (I can only assume the same of the groom's suite - I wasn't there).

I only started to get nervous when all of our guests were seated by 2:45, but yet our priest had not arrived (something I wish my MIL had told me BEFORE she recommended him - he was notoriously late for everything). Guests began to wonder who had cold feet as it crept past 2:50 and 2:55pm. Hurried into his robes at 3:02pm, the ceremony was FINALLY ready to start. My coordinator positioned my MIL and FIL at the front of the procession.

Now, my MIL was recovering from a long battle with Guillan Barré Syndrome and so was heavily reliant on a cane. Just as I hear the coordinator say to signal the organ player, I hear a storm of heels growing louder and louder and see a little woman in a big fucking dress rush by, RUN INTO MY MIL, knock her over into my FIL, and continued down the center aisle as the music began to play, shouting, "DID ANYONE ELSE HAVE TROUBLE FINDING THIS PLACE? THE DIRECTIONS WERE SO BAD! I HAD SO MUCH TROUBLE FINDING PARKING!!" and all the while skittering in heels to the shocked expression of the rest of the guests.

Luckily, my MIL was fine, but the former boss annoyed my bridal party and the families so much during the reception that the video may or may not have gotten on to You Tube, courtesy of the MOH & Best Man.


Since there's nothing we like more than disastrous and hilarious wedding tales, tell me about the worst guest at your wedding!

For your tales of woe and trouble, please accept this...unusual photograph I found while doing a GIS for "horrible wedding guest":

Illustration for article titled DID ANYONE ELSE HAVE TROUBLE FINDING THE CHURCH?!  Other Tales

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