I wanted to let you guys know that I did end up going out to dinner and I'm really glad I did. Thanks to you wonderful people and a pep talk from a really good friend (Smithwellette I'm looking at you) I decided it was much better for my depression to get out of the house and forget about the Internet for a while. I got a glass of wine and talked with my friend with anxiety a little bit about how I was dealing with the fallout from my best friend IRL telling me my depression was too much for her worry about. It was nice to talk to someone who understood and she reiterated that she was always there for me. We're going to try and do more things together with our SOs. Dinner was awesome. I had THE best lobster bisque. The restaurant was known for its fresh seafood which is kind of a big deal considering we're in Wisconsin. Meanwhile we chatted about how things were going. I was asked about my life, Norah, childbirth (one friend is pregnant) and it felt good to be genuinely cared about. I needed the reminder that I'm not some horrible monster of a person. Then my husband said he had a surprise for me when I got home. Our good friend who has been out recovering from compilations from open heart surgery had stopped over. Again it felt good to be treated like a real person. Also I'm leaving for Charlotte Friday to see my dad (and the GREAT Sorcia MacNasty!) for a long weekend. I miss him a ridiculous amount. BB and I have a 5 year plan to get down there. We don't know how or when but we desperately need a change of scenery.
So thanks for the encouragement. I'm still working on loving, hell even liking myself but after a night like that I can see it happening someday.