Last week I was invited to a networking event at a nice restaurant with some prestigious business people. I'm sure all of you are bored of hearing it, but I'm pretty desperate for a job, so this was a Big Deal for me. I have the looming prospect of unemployment in an area with a distinct lack of jobs ahead of me after graduation, so it sort of felt like a last chance. It finally happened the other night and I'm still squirming from embarrassment. I thought you guys would quite like a giggle.

All week I worried about making a fool out of myself, saying the wrong thing, not having anything to say, nobody wanting to talk to me, all the usual social anxiety stuff.

Unfortunately, a few hours before I was set to leave (it was in the same city as my boyfriend) there was a bit of a crisis in the charity I manage, and I had to go and work in a school for a few hours, dressed up all fancy like a complete lunatic. The underprivileged kid did not seem very impressed to have a southern white lady in a posh outfit trying to teach him his science BTECH. Ah well. Because I had to go to this, I wasn't able to have lunch. I foolishly assumed there would be food at the event as it was around dinner time, but they were only handing out hors d'oeuvres or however you spell it, and every time they came round I was deep in conversation with people so I didn't actually get to eat any.


The other big issue was that even though it was in a restaurant, there was no seating. There were a few booths at the far end but they were being used by the waiting staff to store stuff. From 6pm til 10 we had to stand, and listen to various talks between mingling. I was so worried about saying something stupid, that I forgot to worry about falling unconscious.

Yep. I fainted. Like a pathetic female character from a 17th century novel, the nerves, lack of food and standing got too much for me, and my brain just decided that the quickest way out would be to go into sleep mode. Humiliation doesn't even begin to cut it.


The worst part is, some awesome woman had just come over to me and was telling me about being a trader and how she was the only woman in her department, and you guys know I would LOVE to talk about that stuff, but all I could think was 'stay concious, stay concious' while I tapped my foot trying to keep my blood flowing. In the end, I interrupted her and said 'I'm really sorry, I have to go', which is super rude but I think slightly less rude than actually dropping to a crumpled heap on the floor.

I stumbled towards the toilets as everything started to go black, and just thought 'nope, not going to make it', so swerved over to a booth, pushing Very Important Business People out of the way as I went. Then I sat down, frightened the life out of some poor waiter with my deathly pale face, and slipped in and out of conciousness. I wish I could say that I have a medical condition, but I don't. I'm just a delicate little flower.


So I didn't really miss that opportunity. I beat it to death and set it on fire instead.