How time flies! In mid June, it'll be a year since our friend Julian Assange took refuge in the Ecuadorean embassy. Tell you the truth, he had slipped my mind entirely, but fortunately Salon had a tooth-sweetener of an interview to bring me up to speed.… He obviously wouldn't be granting access to non true believers, so the interviewer doesn't even pretend to be impartial, which is fine.

Scotland Yard's got the place on permanent stakeout, which is of course presented as proof of the "vast subterranean network of governmental and intelligence agencies from around the world dedicated to destroying WikiLeaks and arresting its founder." Left unsaid is the fact that any slackening in surveillance would promptly result in Assange's escape to Ecuador, where he'd continue thumbing his nose at the British authorities. Man, he really played them for absolute fools, dragging an intra-EU extradition into years of appeal after appeal with a final fuck you at the end. I'm sure they're determined to do whatever it takes to keep him from further embarrassing them.

As for the sexual assault allegations, they get disposed of in the following fashion. "Assange has not formally been charged with a crime. The two women involved have not accused him of rape." Technically true, as the Swedish prosecutors could only lay charges after his arrest. Just to remind everyone what the actual allegations boil down to, it's that he physically struggled with a woman for a while trying to get her to fuck him without a condom, then deliberately ripped the one he begrudgingly put on and blew his load inside her. Another Swedish woman successfully battled him into the use of prophylactics, then woke up the next morning to find him fucking her sans condom. She was like WTF, but he just powered through and blew his load inside her. The interviewer says that Assange misses his son and alludes to there being other children out there, and it's like no shit, dumbass.

In support of its two-sentence dismissal, the article links to a nicely scurrilous report from the Daily Fail.… It's the usual exemplar of shitty, slanted reporting, though less pro-Assange than it is comically anti-woman. I can't tell who's supposed to be responsible: the CIA, castrating feminists, European liberal democracy run amok, or just two lying sluts who got mad when they found out Julian wasn't their one and only.

Assange seems like one of those guys that leaves a trail of fire behind him, especially considering the £240,000 bail he skipped out on. Not sure how much it's affected his popularity, as such luminaries as Bianca Jagger stop by during the interview for inane conversation. He stays up all night dicking around on his computer, then sleeps late into the afternoon. He talks a lot about how much it costs the British to keep him penned up, but no mention of the price for his Ecuadorean hosts, who are presumably less able to pay. What can I say? Maybe I'm biased, but the guy comes across as a total dick.


Here he is with Lady Gaga. Boo on her for visiting him.


When he gets cranky, he looks kind of like Bill O'Reilly.

In fact, Julian Assange looks like lots of different people!


No, not Colin Mochrie!

Even David Bowie in Labyrinth?


Okay, this one's a little hard for me to take, but I'll be damned if he isn't about as camp as good old Mr. Humphries from "Are You Being Served?"

ETA: Obviously Kinja isn't particularly intuitive when it comes to putting the caption underneath the picture, and figuring out how to make it look right isn't exactly my highest priority right now.