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I’ve been thinking about that show they’d put on on VH1 and how amazing it was the first few times. Real heavy-hitters. Women who lead tours for decades, with amazing, one-of-a-kind voices. So I looked it up on wikipedia to make a playlist. As I scrolled the wiki page, I watched the quality of performer change. At one point, 4 of the 5 headliners had competed on a talent show. What is up with that? So now I’m casting my own Divas Live!

1. Beyonce (duh)


2. Britney—she’s been doing her show in Vegas and earning respect. I’m sorta stunned she hasn’t done one. She was criticized for her voice and her personal life, but she’s seasoned now, and would be a hell of a contributor.

3. Christina—vocal diva in that classical training kind of way

4. Lady Gaga—same, but with pop-art flair.

5. Adele? She’s the softer diva, I guess. Less Demanding.

but it can’t just be one generation of performers. You need lots, to show how the tradition has continued. So I offer

6. Madonna—she might be desperate enough for the attention, she’d do it.

7. Janet—because Beyonce doesn’t command her troops without Janet doing it first.

What? It’s a top-5 all-time music video. Any excuse to spread the word, I’m posting it!


8. Ariana Grande—because her people would give their firstborn to get her on here. She has a strong voice—if only she would E-NUN-CI-ATE!!—and I think inisisting you are carried around like a baby automatically gets you into the Diva club.

9. Shirley Manson—because there’s always gotta be a wild card.

10. Grace Jones—because those girls can Learn Something. But she probably couldn’t be bothered to teach them. Or she’s still pissed at Gaga for stealing her schtick without crediting her.

An alternative lineup:

Fiona Apple, Lorde, Elle King, Adele, Courtney Love, Natalie Merchant, Imogen Heap, Florence Welch, Ingrid Michaelson aaand now this is sounding like a Lilith Fair revival. Which is not a bad idea, either.....


And if you’re going to be on a show called Divas Live, and are one of the divas, for the love of God dress like it. Poor Faith Hill & Shakira look like streetwalkers on the shitty side of town compared to Diana Ross. I mean, how many muppets do you think she killed to make that? YAAASSS QUEEN! OWN that title! Embrace the Diva!


I need a new one of these. What are your choices? Has anyone else thought about this? Surely someone at VH1 has their own shortlist, if they get the call.

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