I don't think I'm going to be married much longer, you guise. I always tell people when it comes to relationships, you have to decide how much you're going to take, and I've reached that threshold.
We've been married six years, dated for one. It was a fun courtship, if a little tumultuous. Within months of being married, the sex all but stopped. We'd moved to San Diego and I was homesick, and he told me he wasn't attracted to me when I'm depressed. He's been severely depressed throughout our relationship.
Upon returning home to Minnesota, we had dire financial problems, lived with both sets of parents, fought with both sets of parents, and went through bankruptcy. I thought, once we're more financially stable, we'll start having sex again.
Three years later, having had sex maybe a total three times in thise three years, we're more stable and looking to buy a house. He always gets crazy in the winter, and he gets severe SAD, so I knew something was up when I woke up to the sound of him crying and talking on the phone. I got up and went to comfort him while he finished his call with his dad. After hanging up he tells me, "I can't be around your friend anymore. I think about her all the time."
I tried to be supportive. I assured him crushes happen even to married people, and asked if he loved me. He said yes. Then he left to have coffee with his dad.
It hit me later. This man I've been married to through thick and thin, who I've worked ar a job I hate to support, the man for whom I've waited YEARS to have sex with again, may love me, but he no longer is attracted to me. This will not get better.
We've both gained wait and gotten lax on keeping up our best appearance. I've lost a tooth and have bad acne. His farts smell like road kill. But I still am attracted to him, when he's in a good mood, which is rare.
He got back from coffee and I asked him to think very hard about whether he wanted to go through with buying a house with me. He said yes, and that he stayed in Minnesota for me, and "wanted to make this work." I asked if he thought he'd ever be attracted to me again, if I lost the weight, worked on my skin and fixed my tooth. He said he didn't know.
I don't want to do this anymore, you guise. I can't be held responsible for his happiness. I can't sit around and wait for him to want me again, and even if I do put in the work, how will that help anything? I'll know he only wants me conditionally. We love each other, but I can't stand being around him anymore. I can't stand the constant grumpiness, the look of unhappiness tattooed on his face, the tantrums when I can't read his mind. Once again, I've fallen into the pit of trying to make someone want me, and it isn't fair to either of us anymore.
What do I do? How do I go about getting an amiable divorce?