In recent days, separate people have sent me notes saying 'I hope your Tuesday is AWESOME!" and "I can't believe how fast the weight is coming off! I love vegetables!" and to top it off, my coworker is doing some weird "Thankful November" thing where she posts these "I'm thankful for my awesome husband and boys." Every. Day.

I am not good at dealing with these kinds of people. I mostly don't reply, because if I did, it would be sarcastically. They may live longer, according to studies, but it's mostly because I'm not allowed to kill them.

I am grateful for my life. I have a job. I have cats who every now and then will throw me a morsel of snuggly. I have people I'm friendly with. But it has never been AWESOME and it has never. ever. been easy.

Depression and anxiety haunt me every day. I have no stable place in my life. I'm now the size of Snufalufagus and I wish I was invisible like he used to be. Losing weight was never easy. Making friends was never easy. The only thing that ever came easy was losing myself in a book.

Yes, I sound bitter. But I don't begrudge these people their happiness. I guess I wish that I could feel it. No, that's not true. Because even when I had a boyfriend and I was thinner and loved my job - I never went around waving a flag of joy.


Anyway, I'm not allowed to complain about happy people in public because I get those looks you get when you also say you don't want babies. Thoughts..