I've been trying so long to get healthy, physically and emotionally, and I am so freaking stuck. I was doing well for awhile, but I feel like I've been in this place for 6 months. Despite regular therapy and lots of breakthroughs, I feel pretty crappy most of the time. I'm not interested in doing anything social ever. I'm not motivated to exercise or do fun stuff, or investigate things that interest me, and I'm just not feeling better. I'm better than I was, I'm functional, I'm employed, I'm healthier, but I just can't get past the feeling that it's never going to get better than this, and I should just accept it and stop fighting. I'm tired of having expectations that I should feel better than I do, and I'm tired of wanting to feel better. I feel like I'm constantly struggling and I'm tired of it. I'm not talking about suicide or self harm. I guess I'm just saying maybe it's time to lower my expectations of what my life should be, accept that I'm never truly going to have the life I want, and learn to be ok with that.
I don't know...has anyone ever felt like this and found a way to move past it? (Probably, because I'm really not a unique snowflake.) Because right now that doesn't really feel possible. I feel like I've gone as far as I can go. I feel like maybe I'm done.
ETA: I am going to make an appointment with a psychiatrist to get evaluated. I really don't want to go back on the meds - I've been off for more than five years - but I'll cross that bridge when I come to it.
ETA2: Thank you, everyone, for all your kind words. I would give you all huge hugs if I could. Had therapy this morning and some things fell into place.