Welcome To The Bitchery
Welcome To The Bitchery

Do you ever just feel so discouraged about where you are that you're afraid to do anything?

Well, that's kind of how I feel about my job/career situation. I've been out of grad school for three years, and I've been working as a technical writer for two of those years. I don't like it. I think I've told you guys that before. My issue is, it's hard for me to make a really big change right now because I'm trying to pay for a wedding and GreenHunk is going back to school in the fall. But my real issue, if I'm honest with myself, is that I feel like I failed and I'm scared of trying again in a different field. I went to school for something very specific, worked hard, earned an MA, got a year of teaching experience at the university level, and went out into the world thinking I would at least get an adjunct position somewhere in the state. And I did, but I had to leave without giving notice in order to get away from my abusive ex, and I haven't had any luck since. I've been stuck in an office, in this cubicle, since. I've applied for a lot of different things, but I just feel like I'm not good enough to earn anyone's notice. It's a weird feeling for me - I was an excellent, successful student.


I had an appointment with an advisor today so I can figure out a plan for going back to school part-time in the fall, this time for social work. And it's not that difficult, the paperwork aspect, but I feel overwhelmed and there's a part of me that says, "Don't bother." That it's too expensive and will be too hard while working full-time. But the thing is, those things aren't really the issue. The real issue is...I'm afraid of failing again. I feel like I failed the first time around. I have a graduate-level degree, but it wasn't enough. I wasn't enough. I don't know if I can stand to put the work into a different field and have that happen again.

Part of me says, you're older now, you're better at the professionalism thing, you have life experience. It won't be so bad this next time. But the other part of me says, you failed. How do I drown out that voice?

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