(Yes, the movie was called Obsessed, but mostly I just wanted a picture of Idris Elba in here).

Does anyone do this? I have an obscenely good memory - to the point of weird - and while it's great for remembering shit like birthdays or movie lines, it can be burdensome when it comes to things I regret. And occasionally it leads to obsessing over these things, years later, that have no impact on my current life. Here's a prime and very weird example:

Over four years ago, I put a futon up for sale on craigslist for $120. Got lots of responses, picked one fairly arbitrarily. The guy comes to pick it up at the arranged time. He and his son (or maybe younger brother) are in my apartment, ready to carry it away, and he reaches in his pocket for the cash.

"Is $100 okay?" He said, holding it out. I swear to God, I did not miss a fucking BEAT before smiling broadly and nodding my head, "Oh yeah, sure!"

Now, I know why I did it - cause I'm conditioned to make social situations go smoothly. Anything to avoid awkwardness! I know some of you may be thinking, "Uh, you were also alone in your apartment with two strange guys." While this is true (and that was my first craigslist sale - I've had a friend with me for all future sales), I genuinely don't think I was scared. Maybe it was somewhere down there in my deep subconscious, but I don't recall being frightened or intimidated at all. It felt like it was more about a smooth social transaction. Maybe some feminist stuff in there about how women are conditioned to always be polite and say yes. I don't know.

I don't begrudge the guy - shit, he got a clever discount, and I've since heard other people suggest similar craigslist tactics - but fuck, I want that $20! It was mine, and I should've said something! I should've said, "Oh, I'm sorry, this is for $120 - I got several other responses if that's not what you want to pay." I should've stood up for myself!


This is just one example in a looong line of examples of weird, extremely specific things I regret and occasionally obsess over in life, sometimes going as far back as 2nd grade. If anyone wants to talk about what I wish I had said to Zach in 3rd grade when he started ranking who was the smartest in class (and where I was in that ranking), let me know.