As you can tell by my username, I used to be a waitress. It was difficult, it was physical, but most of all, it was anxiety inducing. I worried everyday about confrontations with my boss and my hours being cut. It made sense though, a lot of shitty things happened to me at that job. My managers were constantly playing favorites and I even got screwed out of unemployment when our restaurant burned down.

Today I work my "dream job." I work for a cause I believe in, with a ton of amazing people. But everyday is a struggle. I can only work part time, because of funding issues. Until recently I worked two part time jobs, but I was constantly exhausted and depressed I couldn't take care of myself properly. Then I quit my second job and since then I have been broke but much happier. I felt great for about two weeks.

Now I work only twenty hours a week yet I am constantly full of anxiety. I have no accountability at my job and I am floundering. I feel like I'm drowning in work, and yet I have no motivation to get it done. I can barely pick up the phone to call a board member because the thought fills me with so much dread. I am not getting my work done and I know I am going to get caught. And I will have no excuse.

I always seem to reach this point at a job where I physically just can't do it any longer. It feels worse this time because I don't feel like it's a problem with the jobs, I feel like it is a problem with me. And for the first time in my life I have a job I care about, and I hate the idea of failing.