Hey friends! The WEIRDEST thing just happened. I got a letter in the mail, on beautiful stationary, from the mother of a terrible ex-friend. (Not UHG, the other one!) It was a lovely note, just letting me know that she often thinks of me (fondly) and wonders how I'm doing these days. I have never received a letter from her in the past, and it has now been about 18 months since I finally cut ties with her hilariously selfish daughter.

A little background, since it's pretty funny stuff. She was a friend from grade school and it was a pretty one-sided friendship right from the start, with me coming to her emotional rescue on a regular basis. For a long time I didn't really consider how much time and energy I was wasting on the relationship - and it was such an old one we had patterns that I never thought much about until they were seriously ingrained. No matter what our issues were, it always seemed like the only way to move on from them was for me to make an abject apology. I did take a 5-year break from her one time when she staged an impromptu "intervention" about my body-image issues in front of a total stranger, but we wound up reconnecting eventually when I decided I could just keep it superficial (ha!)

The final straw came thusly. She had been involved in a two-year long affair with a married dude (fun fact - his wife was pregnant when Ex-Friend began seeing him - classy!) I had attempted to give good counsel when asked, and refrained from placing value judgments, aside from gently asking her if the relationship might be taking more from her than it was giving.

I was the only person she told about the affair, which put a lot of pressure on me to "be available" for the inevitable periodic emotional meltdowns. This availability issue was compounded by her being "single", as she often had friends with children cancel plans (sickness/scheduling snafus/etc), and it irritated her to no end (understandably so.) I made sure to never cancel on her, EVER. Work, sickness, and extreme weather would not deter me - until one day I had to postpone plans due to a serious work conflict. Unfortunately, the new date got scuppered by my Mother In Law needing to switch another date, and like an idiot, I thought Ex-Friend would understand.

I emailed her immediately. She did not respond. I emailed again, and cc'd her home account. Later, I left a message on her phone, and texted. Crickets. The day of the event, I texted her one more time, saying, "I really hope I'm not standing you up right now - maybe you're just upset about me breaking plans, and that's fair. Again, I'm really sorry." Many days later, I get a text like this:

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"[BumbleBeaver],

It has taken me a great deal of time to decide how to address this issue with you. I am deeply hurt by your actions. I feel like I am no longer your number one priority..."

Hahahaha. I can't remember the rest, but it was so professional - like she was issuing an official written warning to someone on her staff. Obviously, that was the end. Um, dude - I have a business to run, a kid to homeschool, a husband and an extended family to juggle, IN WHAT WORLD COULD YOU BE CONSIDER YOURSELF MY NUMBER ONE PRIORITY?! (Oh, right, FANTASY LAND - Population: 1.)

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I cut off contact, blocked all channels, and sent her the original Letter of Doom.

And then over a year later, I get this lovely letter from her mother! Do y'all want to speculate with me about what's happened on the other side of this equation to precipitate such an entertaining development? Or help me gloat? (I know that's not nice - but... I feel like it could be fun? You guys are so creative.)

  1. Ex-Friend has realized that she is a lonely, self-centred lunatic, and has asked her mother to reach out to test the waters?
  2. Ex-Friend's mother thinks that Ex-Friend is a lonely, self-centred lunatic, and wishes I was back in her life?
  3. Nothing: it's just a nice note. (That's probably the most reasonable explanation, but for some reason I think it's the least likely - the tone of the letter is VERY affectionate and fishes for details about how my family is doing - it's 100% designed to illicit a reciprocal response.)

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** There is NO WAY I'm going to reconnect with Ex-Friend, but I will certainly reply to her mother. I will be friendly, and brief.