Today's plan includes going to my second al anon meeting. I need to do this for myself. For years I have always avoided any conflict in my relationship and I've gotten to the point where I need to discuss things and I can't. Every conversation I try to start either gets shut down or turns into an instant argument that leads to avoidance and then neither of us acknowledging that it happened. I've told him that it's getting easier to avoid talking to him than wonder if something I say will be taken in a completely different way than intended. That's a start, I guess? And I've gotten some references for some couples counselors from a friend who is a therapist. It's a start. I am super nervous to tell him I'm going to these meetings. And that really sucks, he should be the one person I can tell anything to.