I used to work down on that stretch of Yonge. I ate my lunch and read books in the parkette where the truck finally stopped. I still have friends who work down there. And I’m just so angry. I’ve been on edge all day.
Some guy spooked me today on my walk home. He got right in behind me in my blind spot and said “Hey Pretty Lady” really loudly. Enough to startle me. I’m usually good at not giving any response at all to this shit. I know to ignore it, but today I jumped and I looked. Which we all know is basically an invitation. So he falls into step with me and I say the only thing I ever say, which is “No.” Loud enough to be unmistaken and hopefully to make others hear. He still has a bit more to say, but only follows a few feet behind me until the next the light. So, that was kind of normal. I walk every day in the downtown so it happens a few times a year at least. Especially in the warmer months. Shouldn’t be a big deal.
Except this time I seriously considered beating the shit out of him. I don’t think I have ever seriously thought about hurting someone before, but I wanted to turn around and stomp on his feet and punch him in him the face until he ran away or collapsed. Fuck him to fucking hell for treating me that way. Especially today. How the hell are they going to learn until they fear us the way we have to fear them? What else is going to work on these entitled piece of shit human beings?! I wanted him to be as scared of my totally insane act of violence as I have to be of their every fucking day casual actions of aggression and entitlement. I wanted to fuck him up so badly that he flinched the next time some unknown woman even looked at him.
I know it’s wrong and I’ll never do it. But it’s not fair. I don’t want to have to live my life anymore accommodating and tolerating any of this. I’m so angry. And I’m so sad. I just don’t know what to do with it all.