I am rostered for a roller derby bout on June 6th in Rawlins, WY. This will be my first bout. I’ll only have been skating for five months at that point. The team has pulled in a number of roster fillers because this bout was unplanned (the other team had a team drop out, and we said “sure!”). I’m skating and not the alternate, which surprised me a ton.

So I spent most of last night’s practice feeling like an impostor who doesn’t belong. No one on my team has ever said anything of the sort to me - they are 100% supportive and always push me to better myself for myself. Drills are modified to everyone’s skill levels as needed. People will come skate with you to complete a drill. No one says a word if you have to drop out of a drill or can’t quite keep up, etc. Even so, I’m constantly apologizing for myself.

This morning I got a series of messages from the gal who’s going to be our bench coach and cried. Not in a bad way crying, in a good way - basically it boiled down to she used to be the same way, she thinks I’m awesome, and wants me to set two goals. One externally provided - to drop the negative self talk, and the other internally provided.

I know I could stand to drop the negative self talk overall. It’s been an issue for the majority of my life (I could go into why, but it’s really neither here nor there). Any suggestions on how to do this would be greatly appreciated.

And if anyone wants to come see a random GTer roller derby, the bout is at the Carbon County Fairgrounds. Doors open at 6, first whistle is at 7. Tickets are $12.