Greetings Groupthink. Over the course of my months here I've come to notice that many of you are beset by problems. Problems with family members, employment(too much, not enough or complications therein), sex(too much, not enough or complications therein) and your other various issues that can assail us in our modern times. In your time of woes you often ask the assembled commenters for their help dealing with your problems.
Well, I've decided that this is a hideously inefficient manner for dealing with these issues. So I have selflessly taken it upon myself to offer a centralized hub and a dedicated advice giver. Now, you may be asking yourself "Self, is Bears in anyway qualified to give advice to me on my problems?" and the answer to that is a resounding no. I'm a moderately intelligent B-school graduate who had a very sheltered upbringing and lives a relatively conservative life. The things I don't know about outweigh the things I do know about to an alarming degree. Your follow up question may then be "But have you at least accomplished enough things in your life that would prompt one to look at you and say 'Boy, I'd like to hear that guy's opinion on the issues in my life"? Again, no. I'm relatively gainfully employed, in a stable long-term relationship and have entered into a contractual arrangement with a large financial institution whereby I pay them an outrageous sum of money every month and they A) don't break my legs and B) agree not to roll their eyes when I say that I "own" my residence.
Still, regardless of my lack of qualifications or accomplishments I have decided to devote myself to the task of advising you all on your various issues. No question to small, no problem too obscure. Simply write your issue in a comment below and I will respond promptly with considered advice. Should this prove moderately useful to you all, I will provide a email address so that in future installments of UAFTH you will be able to submit your problems anonymously.
*Fair Warning: Given my lack of knowledge and qualifications your problem may be answered with information gleaned from a quick google search, a passing query to my disinterested boyfriend or a random excerpt from my unpublished Sci-Fi Novel Sex Kittens of Alpha Centauri: A Jade McQueen Adventure.