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Usually, if I remember a dream, it’s along the lines of “we were at a restaurant, but not the kind that serves food, and 4 random people were there, but I didn’t know they were there, and then dinosaurs, but not really”.

But this morning I woke straight up from a dream that was... a bit more linear.

We were living in a neighborhood with neighbors. The neighbors to the left were an old high school friend of mine and her husband. They were super nice, but looked better than I did, and had lots of money. I thought they were putting in a backyard pool, and I was excited about that, because Papabear was confident that they’d let us swim in it. So I went outside and it was actually the neighbors on the OTHER side that put in the pool. I went for a walk (really just to check out the pool) an old coworker showed up and was drunk and went for a swim and everyone thought it was funny, and the neighbor looked at me and said “yeah, this is WAY out of your range”. So I just kept walking out of embarrassment. So I ended up at the house of Alyssa Edwards (from Dancing Queen on Netflix), and was chatting with her while she was putting on makeup. I mentioned that I wish I could do makeup that well, so she did mine, and then had me do a photo shoot for the neighborhood magazine. I looked awesome. But the neighborhood magazine chose someone else for the cover.


So I went home, where my kiddos were having a party (like a kids’ birthday party). One friend of my daughter’s was taking pictures with his phone, and I insisted on seeing it, and I made him delete a bunch of pictures that I didn’t think were OK to take (like ones that accidentally had peoples’ underwear in them). He was mad about that, and didn’t want me to see what else was on his phone. I caught a glimpse of badly drawn cartoon porn that I knew was his.

Then, the kids across the street had a party. These same kids who had just been at our house at a party, and we were not invited. That’s when I woke up, with the taste of dissapointment.

SO: Despite not really having neighbors, I worry about not being “good enough” for other people. I feel “less than” people I see only on facebook (like the high school friend), and people on TV.

I really thought that I was doing better about this, and gaining in self-confidence. I guess no?


Share a dream that makes total sense - or one about dinosaurs and that one beach where you found that rock, only it wasn’t, and then it turned into a french fry!

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