I was having a pretty good day today but then people started responding to my post in the Facebook forum of my WoW guild asking if anyone knew what game is being discussed in the Guardian UK blog post about the gaming CEO who banned a woman and an employee who doxxed her for complaining about sexual harassment in game. This is a guild of people who have signed a code of conduct that says that sexism, homophobia, and other forms of bigotry will not be tolerated. This is a guild run by someone who actually has power over game company CEOs.
Trigger warning for explicit sexual harassment and how many people will be maimed if this gets mainpaged anywhere.
So far the responses are:
- Dude: I don't believe this story at all because I've played female toons in WoW and haven't been treated differently than I am on my male toons.
- Woman 1: I don't believe it either. I get things in WoW too but I just don't take it seriously.
- Me: I have so many problems with this in LFR that I have developed a system for responding to the abuse.
- Woman 2: Some of the sexism that I see elsewhere is pretty bad. I've asked people why they do it and they say "oh, I'm just trolling because it's funny to get people so worked up."
- Woman 3: In all my years of playing WoW, I have never seen this. Most times that I say I'm a girl I get "oh cool" or "prove it." And LFR is just terrible to everyone. I just ignore any of that stuff in LFR.
I was in a raid a few months back on the day that it was released. I went to TankSpot and watched the raid guide video before I queued for LFR (group-finding system for fights that take 25 players). When I got in, no one had seen the fight before. I was the only one who even watched the video. I explained what the video said about the fight, qualified with that the fight would be different from the video in some ways but I didn't know which ways. We wiped. People left. New people came in. I explained again. We wiped. People left. New people came in. I led a discussion about anything that people had seen during the fight that might be helpful and we found some places where the fight video was inaccurate. I explained again, incorporating that new information. We wiped. People left. New people came in. I explained the fight.
People complimented me on how calm I was, what a great job I was doing leading and helping figure out the fight, that they wished that LFR was this cooperative more often, that even though we kept wiping, there was such a positive atmosphere in the group that it was still fun. Someone thanked me for the tips and said jokingly that he was taking me at my word that the tips were accurate. I said "And what is that worth, the word of a woman?"
Random dude in the raid: "I'll give you a tip. Shit, I'll give you the whole shaft."
Other random dude: "lol"
No one responded. I stopped helping with the fight. I waited a few minutes hoping that the group would kick him and when they didn't, I voted to kick him. Only one person had voted to kick him. No one even whispered me to say "OMFG what the hell?"I was the most helpful person in the group, complimented by multiple people for that and for my competence in playing, but a guy talks about sticking his dick in me based solely on me being female and radio silence. Even after I went silent and stayed that way.
We wiped. People left. New people came in. I said nothing. We started the fight without anyone explaining it. And after that raid, I logged out and didn't raid for another 2 weeks. I told my exboyfriend that I was only going to play grouped with him for a while because I can't stand people. That guy in the raid thought he was funny. He thought that everyone thought he was funny. At the end of that raid, he probably congratulated himself for shutting up the girl, you know, the helpful one that was the only reason that we won that fight, that fight got nerfed the next day because it was too hard, that girl who really could have helped with the other fights but didn't because he shut her up good.
But my guild. It says right in the charter that it is a safe space. I've talked to officers before about the sexism that I've experienced in the guild forums. They go "I'm sorry you had a misunderstanding" or "I know he said 'it's not your place' but I don't think he intended that to be 'as a woman' even though he made you feel harassed on the forums afterwards. He's just a jerk." I've told them that it doesn't feel like a safe space anymore. The officers know that I've felt discriminated against and harassed by guild members and it's never been brought before the guild.
You guys, I just very politely told the guild to stop informing me what my in game experience has been based on theirs or telling me that the problem is that I need to just put up with harassment, because being helpful in raids while female has resulted in discussions of where penises should go.
This guild is supposed to be my friends. They're supposed to be standing up for me. And all I did was ask if anyone knew what game that was and I got a whole lot of "it doesn't happen but when it does, I ignore it." I'm crying and once again, I feel betrayed by my guild.
Drink for me. I'll take extra vicodin.