I’ve had a crush on a coworker for a while now. It started when I first began working here, but I kept it in check because I had a boyfriend.

Yesterday, at the office, about five of us were trying to figure out what to do to a coworker’s desk because she’s been gone for two weeks. Me, crushworker, and other coworker all went to a store to find streamers and were unsuccessful. But we talked about getting together at a bar after work and hanging out, playing some pool.

I met up with him and we ordered drinks. His friend showed up and the three of us played some pool. The friend left, and my and Crushworker were alone. We talked, we drank. We get along well. We think the same. We have interesting conversations.

After drinking some water, we left the bar and walked down to the river, followed a path that led us further away from the road, and found a nice rocky spot by the edge of the river to light some pretty fireworks. (The sparkly kind, not the loud, leave the ground kind. Fountains, basically. I carry them in my purse.) We set off some fireworks, then sat down at the edge of the river and talked. We were sitting under the stars, staring at the river that was lit up by the moon, chatting. I SO wanted him to kiss me. I SO wanted to kiss him.

We didn’t kiss.

We were up until 12:40 am.

I’m tired today, and so is he. We’re being cool. I mean, there’s nothing to be not cool about. We didn’t kiss.

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But I so wanted us to.

It’s probably better that we didn’t though. I am still grieving my relationship. And work things like this are always dicey.

Still. Really wanted to make out with this extremely intelligent, funny man last night, under the stars, at the edge of the river, after the fireworks show.