Thank you in advance for reading this super long, whiny post! I just finished it and scrolled up like “WHOA, sklay. Bring it down a notch.” Anyway...
I feel like I might be overreacting to something but I need some outside opinions.
My boyfriend was asked to work at an event about 9-10 hours away. It’s tomorrow and Sunday. He told me about it about a week and a half ago and said, “Hey, I’m going to work this event, want to come with me?” Now, I know a bunch of people who are going to be there as well as his boss, and I’ve worked the event before myself (but I just planned on going and getting drunk this time because I don’t need the money) so I said “Sure! I’ll take Friday and Monday off and we can leave Friday morning so we can get there at a reasonable time.” (I assumed I would be driving because he doesn’t have a car right now. I also assumed that if I’d said No he would have just rented a car.) Then he says, “Oh, and my friend Jane is gonna work so she’s coming too!” I’ve met Jane and had a couple brief conversations with her. She’s perfectly nice but I don’t really know her. They are very good friends. Immediately after he said she was coming I felt like I had just been bamboozled into chauffeuring two people to their jobs. I was caught off guard and said OK, because I didn’t want to seem like giant asshole. Like, Sure I’ll drive you, but I don’t want to drive her. That seems assholey. But, and this is the core of my problem, driving long distances with people I don’t know is like hell on earth for me. I hate it. I hate it so much. It stresses me out and it’s awkward and you have to make stilted conversation and there’s weird silence and I just absolutely hate it. I’m not doing that for 9 hours in a car. Especially if my doing it is a service to someone else. Also, he wanted to wait until she was off work and leave in the evening, which would mean that we’d get there at about 4-5am. I don’t do that “lets hop in the car and drive for 10 hours overnight!” shit. I’m too old and I just don’t do it anymore (I’m 5 years older than him and 13 years older than her, just for a little reference.). He apparently doesn’t think that getting up at 7, driving an hour to work, working for 8 hours, driving an hour home, then 9-10 hours to the event is anything to bat an eye at. Also, he didn’t work today so he could sleep as long as he wanted. So.
The day that he told me all of this I had a migraine that ended up haunting me for a few days. I told him that I didn’t want to make any firm decisions while I felt like my brain was liquefying in my skull and he said ok. And then we both promptly forgot about it until last night when I realized we had never made any definite plans. So I brought it up again and he texted Jane and she said she could be off work by 3pm today. I didn’t have enough time to arrange to take work off or leave early because we both forgot about the whole damn trip, so here I am at work until 5pm.
We’ve been texting about the whole thing and both getting really annoyed because he’s not understanding where I’m coming from. When he first told me about the trip he didn’t want to leave before 5pm because Jane probably wasn’t going to be ready. Now today he wants to leave right at 3pm because that’s when she is going to be ready (she offered to drive her car) even though I won’t be ready. So he can’t possibly leave without her but he’ll totally leave without me. And apparently she couldn’t just drive herself to her job alone while we go separately. I told him to just go with her because he’s obviously more concerned about her than me.* He said I was making a big deal about something that didn’t need to be a big deal. I told him that time off work, plus 18 hours in the car, plus 1200 miles with someone I don’t know is a big deal to me, whether he understands it or not.
He eventually said that they would wait for me to get off work tonight to leave (if I managed to take Monday off) and I wanted to say “Why can’t she just drive her own adult ass to her own goddamned job?? Why do you have to be with her the entire fucking way??” But I finally just said that he should leave with her because I couldn’t get Monday off and I can’t go. I actually could take Monday off but I’m not going to because I’m just so annoyed with the whole situation.
What say you, GT? Am I overreacting? Being too sensitive? Feel free to ask questions because I’m sure I didn’t explain the whole situation as clearly as I intended.
*I didn’t actually word it this way. I said, “You’re obviously invested in making the trip with her so you should just go with her.” Not a whole lot better, but more accurate!
How I’m feeling right now: