Autostraddle has a wonderful article on the disconnect between what gets published in erotic fiction, and the standards that the kink community upholds.

I've become more and more uncomfortable with how much effort I had to put in to not only read f/f erotica, but to read stories that contained explicit and absolute consent. Overwhelmingly, the stuff I read is, at best, consent-ish. When there is an attempt to establish consent, they overwhelmingly use things I consider to be rape apologia (ex., her mouth says no, but her dripping wet pussy says yes.). I started to worry if I was the only kinkster who actually really found consent hot, and not just this unfortunate thing one must have if one is to avoid rape. So it's nice to know that a large part of the issue is that the stuff I want to read is very unlikely to get published.