UPDATE: According to my neighbor, everyone is in great health and they are prepping to wean sooner than I expected - in time for Halloween! THIS IS NOT A TRICK. THIS IS A CERTIFIED TREAT™. REACT ACCORDINGLY.

Kind of like Seven Brides for Seven Brothers, but without the shitty music and patriarchal overtones.

My parents' neighbors have two dogs, a Chow mix and a German Shepherd. At some point over the summer they looked at each other longingly over a bowl of kibble and promptly started growling, because that food was mine, dammit.

Then they had make up sex.

So, lo and behold, we now have eight truly scrumptious chow/shepherd mix puppies in need of homes.

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Here are the details and parameters:

Approximately 3-4 weeks now, will be ready to go between 10-12 weeks (this may change, depending on the owners' wean schedule). Pups are located in Los Angeles, are completely, 100% free, and come with a free coffee or drink (to be provided by me, because you are amazing, and you deserve a drink if you're adopting a puppy).

BUT HERE'S WHAT YOU REALLY WANT TO SEE - OUR LOVELY CONTESTANTS!

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Contestant #1 is not sure it wants to be here, but will do anything for some food.

Contestant #2 doing its very best Tommy Chong impression

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Contestant #3 wants to know how you doin' ?

Contestant #4 - just look at that sassy white paw! LOOK AT IT. MICHAEL JACKSON COULD NOT DO BETTER.

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Contestant #5 is the runt of the litter and seriously, if I could have a dog without my cats (or the Captain, for that matter) murdering me in my sleep, I'd totally take this little guy. He is pure fluff and love, through and through.

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Contestant #6 will not be outdone by Contestant 5. Also has the cutest little yip I have ever heard.

Contestant #7 - want to pretend to have a Saint Bernard minus the giant lumps of shit and slobber? Here's your chance! I'm sure this one could also be trained to carry a flask of bourbon for...emergencies. *polite cough*

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Contestant #8 - The look of a Rottweiler, but really is just an adorable Fuzzenstein. Pardon me, Fuzzensteen.

I WANT ONE - GIVE IT TO ME!

Ok then, hoss! Here's the deal if you're interested: email me at smithwellette@gmail.com with your contestant preference, sex preference (I am still sorting out who's got danglies and who's got bits), and any questions. I act as go between to reassure my parents' neighbors you are not a puppy killer. You get a free puppy and a drink paid for by me.

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This is OK to share, but please give me a heads up before you do, in case I start getting emails from names I do not recognize.