YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Someone in Spain binged Gossip Girl one weekend and was like I could fix this show and make it ten times better. And then they DID THAT SHIT! Strap in bitches cause it’s gossip girl but like 10x more live.

So we kick it off with Spanish Dan Humphrey being questioned by the police. He’s talking about how his public school collapsed and he is one of three kids that got a full ride to a fancy rich private school due to that. So then we find out he’s being questioned because SOMEONE KILLED SPANISH SERENA VAN DER WOODSEN!!!! This fucking show.

So now we jump back to the beginning of the school year, and it’s dan, spanish nelli yuki except she’s Palestinian and Muslim, and Spanish Seth Cohen if Seth Cohen was poor. ( I know, wring show, but that’s who he is just go with it)

So they are rightfully marveling over rich people shit and they go to the pool and Spanish Chuck Bass emerges from the pool. And Spanish Chuck Bass is hot AF.

So Spanish chuck is not feeling Nelli, Seth, and Dan. He calls them poor and the they are clown. Nelli and Dan have the good sense to be wary of them, but spanish Seth is all in. So Seth rolls up to Spanish Blair, Georgina, Chuck and Nate and Chuck mocks Dan for waiting tables after school at a restaurant. Chuck is basically like you are too poor to sit with us.

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We cut to Dan walking home and he’s walking with Spanish Carter Basin, who in this universe is Spanish Nelli Yuki’s brother. And in this universe Jenny is Jay and older and just got out of prison and is home to greet dan. Also Chuck and Serena are brother and sister in Spanish gossip girl.

So Spanish Nelli Yuki get’s pulled into the principals office and they’re like so yeah you can’t wear a hijab, and she’s all it’s my religion and they’re all it’s a hat. Take it off or your expelled. So she takes it off.

Spanish Serena invites Dan to a party at her house, and he sheepishly accepts. Spanish Blair makes a snide comment about Nelli Yuki’s hair because unlike American Blair, Spanish Blair is the worst.

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Also Spanish Nate is a tennis player instead of Soccer and he is way more of a druggie, he and Spanish Seth are bonding over drugs or whatever. Spanish Nate goes home and is getting high as fuck and then gets on GRINDR because Spanish Nate is gay, which they should have done with American Nate it would have made him more interesting and given him more to do. 

And throughout all of this, the lady from the lady from The Killing is questioning everyone.

Spanish Nelli Yuki catches Chuck and Blair fucking in the girls locker room. And now Chuck and Blair are out to ruin Nelli Yuki’s life. Chuck invites her to Serena’s party, but she senses something is going on and wisely turns it down. Cause she ain’t no fucking punk.

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Spanish Serena invites Nelli Yuki to go to her party and she initially turns it down, until she finds out Dan and Seth are going. So then they all go together.

Georgina is really feeling Seth and of course Blair finds him revolting. Chuck is pissed that Nate invited Dan and Seth. And Spanish Daddy Bass is not pleased either.

Dan and Serena are having a MOMENT at her party. I also like the choice of Spanish Serena to be a red head and Spanish Georgina to be blonde it feels so right.

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Chuck and Blair come up with a plan for Chuck to have sex with Nelli Yuki and then humiliate her after cause she’s Muslim and she’ll be sullied or a hypocrite or something.

Georgina invites Seth upstairs to fuck, and then they do that, but then Georgina’s BF appears from the shadows to watch!!!!

Lily and Bart are having a light spat, and during we find out Serena is HIV positive, from a previous relationship. This show is wild.

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Then Nate and Carter Meet on GRINDR!!!!!! And Nelli doesn’t know Carter is gay!!!!