It's the end of the day, after a series of pretty fucking rough days in a series of pretty fucking rough years after a terrible summer. Here's what's on my mind as I prepare to go downstairs and start dinner for Fellow, one of his physicist coworkers Jon, and me:
1. It's astounding and depressing how many folks on GT and the greater Gawkerverse are defending violence against children based on the fact that their parents spanked them. It is possible to love and be loyal to your parents while noting where they may have gone wrong. Perhaps your parents indoctrinated you in a patriarchal, conservative faith tradition. Perhaps they fed you sugary breakfasts and junk food for dinner. Perhaps they stayed together in a deeply unhealthy marriage that made your childhood volatile, assuming it would be to your benefit. Parents can be imperfect and still mean well. It's foolish to call all their actions right merely because they intended to do right (assuming they did). Spanking is another word for striking. It is wrong to strike a child. It is illegal to strike anyone but your own child. It's time for us to create a federal law like those in 22 European nations outlawing all violence against children. If this means you have to check a parenting book out of the library to find a way to extinguish bad behaviors without raising your hand, tough titties for you.
2. I've been musing more on the potential breakup between Fellowology's best friend and a now very good girlfriend of mine. I'm very worried about her, and I feel guilty that I'm 3,000 miles way with my boyfriend when she needs someone to talk to. Fellow and I have been discussing what boundaries we need in order not to let this situation affect us too much. We've vowed not to tell each other what Steven and Stacy tell us individually. It's hard though to know there's a serious communication problem between them and that Fellow and I can bridge that ourselves. But we have to let things be what they are. Stacy is pushing hard for counseling, and I hope they at least give that a shot. 4.5 years is a long time to throw away at 28.
3. Everything is such a mess in my own life right now. I'm overwhelmed about where to even begin, and at the heart of it is figuring out what I really, truly want. It's hard to separate what I want from what people expect of me or the image I want to live up to. If I had to be honest, what I really want is to be with my boyfriend and end this distance. I want to prioritize that and find a way to finish my degrees while being here with him. I tried to sort of broach it in the hypothetical, but if I did suddenly move to LA, there's no indication he'd be up for living together. We'd see each other far less than we did when we were both students, and that'd be its own loneliness and frustration. I'd be living in a cheap shared apartment near USC, and he wouldn't want to drive the distance at the end of his commute. I'd be overwhelmed at the idea of driving to his place, hanging for a while, and driving back in LA traffic so that I could wake up to my own clothes and shower stuff before work. How much better would that be after two years together to see each other sporadically? I just don't know.
Gotta go make baked chicken in sherry, roasted potatoes, and brussel sprouts for the bf. What's on your mind tonight?