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The year I put up my middle finger at midnight on New Years was 2012. I had a series of personal crises like, one after the other - 3 deaths in the family, my parents getting divorced with like, an affair and each trying to steal each other’s money and basically the messiest divorce I could have imagined, and my (then) 15 year old brother starting to show signs of drug problems. Fuck 2012.

Enter: 2016. I had no personal crises this year. I became part of the collective crisis that we are all experiencing. Even before the election - the news is fucking terrible this year - TERRIBLE. Then you bring the election in to top it all off - triggers all over the place, a seething hatred for people I work with and am related to, to the point I am seriously thinking about quitting my job, and being literally terrified for what the future holds.

Like, I want to light a fucking fire on New Years this year. I want to scream in the streets and trash something. I want to vandalize things. I am so fucking angry, and I have this voice inside me just going FUCKING BURN IT ALL. (I won’t).


Fuck 2016. No, Facebook, I don’t want to see my year in review, even if it’s just pictures of me having fun. No, radio, I don’t want to know the top songs of this year. No, NPR, I don’t want to review the top books of this year. Fuck this year and let’s just fucking forget about it - art, music, and fun also. Fuck it. Begone! Scat! Shoo!

You know what my 2017 Resolution is going to have to be? Don’t lose my goddamn mind. Sure, I have little goals in my mind about self improvement but really, it’s going to be like, keep it together, man.

I am committing myself to staying vigilant. I am strong enough to pay attention to the news, to try to think rationally about moving forward and to find small ways to do my part in my community. Sure. I can do that. I have enough privilege that I can probably largely carry on in this shitty new world, but that is the absolute worst thing people like me can do. We will backslide, abandon our principles and allow Trump to become normal. So I will be focused and aloof and vigilant. Meanwhile, I’m going to have Little Baby Anarchy sitting on my shoulder being like “DESTROY THE WORLD.”


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