I’ve heard it said in recent times that no one wears pantyhose (aka stockings) anymore. I find this odd because first of all how does that even work in cold weather? Do people north of the Mason-Dixon just not wear skirts from October to May? Or are you all walking around with bare, freezing ass legs?
I also find it sad because it means that not enough women are taking advantage of the crown jewel of women’s hosiery, the thigh high.
Thanks to Victoria and her secrets (and the general pornification of America), the thigh high has gotten a bad rap as being the tawdry, desperate cousin of the otherwise staid and practical pantyhose that your mom brought home in an egg for you to wear to your junior high graduation. These days, if they are worn at all they are usually saved for special occasions like anniversaries or Halloween. But I am here to argue that thighs can and in fact should be in your regular weekday wardrobe rotation.
Here are three reasons why:
1. You need to cover your legs
Let’s dispense with this whole “people don’t wear stockings anymore” nonsense. Seriously, why? It’s January and it’s finally cold outside for what might be the last time in history. You need to cover your legs. But you’ve also been eating whatever you please for the past two months, so covering them with pants every day is just cruel and unnecessary. Now is the season for roomy dresses that allow your holiday food baby to rest happily in your lap and nap still spring.
There may at some point soon even be snow on the ground, which requires clothing with a hem that does not drag through the slush, i.e. skirts. How you gonna wear a skirt in the snow without covering your legs? I suppose you could stock up on opaque tights, but if you’re reading this you’re probably not in kindergarten or Amish, which means you could stand to flaunt your legs - one of the body parts we women are least likely to have hang-ups about - to better advantage.
[NB: I almost didn’t use this chart due to its implication that all women both inside AND outside the U.S. are White (blonde at that) but I couldn’t find a good visual representation of the stat anywhere else.]
2. They’re Super Practical
That’s right, even more practical than double-leg stockings. Think about it, you don’t need to need to yank them on at the same time or stretch/shimmy them over your hips, so they are less likely to run. And if they do run, you can replace them one at a time instead of chucking the whole pair. That means $aving$!
They also let your hoo-ha breathe better than any heavy, cotton crotch garment could ever dream.
3. They’re Super Hot
I am a fervent believer that a woman should embrace her inner goddess at all times, not just when she is performing for a partner, and really connect with her body and what makes her sexy. Be the Jezebel you want to see in the world, or something like that. Nothing accomplishes this as effectively as knowing that under your tame, traditional pencil skirt are a gorgeous set of gams, wrapped in peekaboo lace that conveniently leaves room for that hottie at happy hour (or your special someone) to bury their face between. The deliciously sensual feeling of your naked thighs rubbing together will have you imagining the possibilities all day. And from the moment you put them on in the morning - ever so delicately while admiring the full length and shape of your legs and envisioning yourself as one of those classic 40's pin-up girls - you will feel a little bolder, a little more dangerous, a little more free.
The only drawback or pitfall I can see is the risk of cutting off the circulation in your lower body with a pair thigh highs that are too snug, but that is easy to avoid if you find a brand that works for you.
In hosiery, as in life, you typically get what you pay for but that doesn’t mean you have to break the bank. Thigh highs do tend to be a little more expensive than drug store pantyhose, but they also last longer and come with all the advantages I’ve just enumerated.
I’m currently wearing this pair and they are entirely serviceable, though not as luxurious as some of the others I own. For my money, THESE bad boys are the cat’s meow. They’re not silk, but they sure feel like it and they fit like a dream. Of course, if you have Wolford money then you might as well go for actual silk, though at that point you’re probably not going to be wearing them out of the house so much as lying around in bed admiring yourself (*ahem*) and looking to see if anyone is available to come fan you with a palm leaf for a few hours.
You will also find that if you poke around the hosiery section of your local bargain price department store (Marshalls, TJ Maxx etc.) they have a pretty good selection of them there, usually at good prices too since apparently no one buys them anymore. And don’t worry, thick chicks, most of them come in plus sizes as well.
In conclusion, good ladies of interwebs, your strong,sturdy, reliable, rarely-problematic and oft under-appreciated legs could use some pampering and Valentine’s Day is just around the corner. Show them how much you love them (and yourself!) by letting them dress up fancy once in a while.