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Engaging in self-sabotage?

GT, I am in over my head...

I’m in grad school. I should be working on my dissertation. I have a significant deadline coming up soon. I am answerable to my committee. One of my committee members recently dropped out, this is a major blow. I need to keep my chin up and keep working on this. It may not be a great paper, but it needs to get done so I can get my letters and move on with my life. BUT...


I am not working. I just sit in front of my laptop and waste time on the internet. I’m having a LOT of trouble motivating myself to focus on my work. HALP!

I was playing CAH and someone there suggested racetams and choline (aka smart pills) so I pursued that rabbit hole all night, and finally ordered some. But even once I start taking those, it’ll probably take a while before they start being effective. What do I do? I’ve done a lot to make sure I have a conducive work environment. My husband is super supportive and also working on his own dissertation (in the next room, which is his office). I once smoked some weed to help me get started and maybe I should just do that again.


I’ve put myself way behind schedule by losing a week-10 days to being totally overwhelmed by the task, then got started and did something last week. It’s not great, but now I know what to do next and... have not done it. I just want to turn myself into a robot and crank this out, but my brain is like “read things, have fun, look at all the stories on all the interwebs” and it sucks.

Somebody had posted about Passion Planner, so I got one and just started using it, but there’s no point writing down daily goals if I don’t meet them 3 days in a row!


What else? I’ve had some success with listening to some types of electronic music to get in the “zone” and it helps, but when I want to procrastinate, I don’t even start it. It’s like I’m not even trying. But I am freaking out. What is wrong with me?

Anyway, I’m going to go to bed now. I need to have something by Friday, so I have to work tomorrow whether I like it or not. These Friday deadlines are the only thing that make me work, but I could do so much more/cover more ground if I started on Monday instead of Thursday. Gah! I may destroy this post tomorrow...

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