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Envy. Bitter, bitter envy.

Ugh you guys. I have a really wonderful group of FB friends that I discovered through a wonderful parenting site called Offsprung. Offsprung was pretty much Groupthink for parents. EVERYONE on that site was offbeat and cool and open-minded and liberal and I love them. And one (possible) mark of how offbeat we all are is that a whole bunch of us have kids on the autism spectrum. Apple doesn't fall far, right?

But my younger son's autism is pretty severe. He'll never have a real, unsupervised job. He'll never live independently. I'll have to make arrangements for him when I get old so he has a supervised living arrangement, with strangers, for pay, and that fact makes me want to curl up into a ball and die. Or (in my darkest moments) take him with me. Because I can't bear to think of not being around to care for him.

So when another member of the Offsprung cohort has a kid diagnosed with Asperger's, and the discussion turns to all of the various members' kids' progress and treatment and schooling, and all of them have high functioning kids who will probably even go to college, and have jobs, and just be quirky nerds, I have a hard time not feeling bitter. Which is horrible and makes me a horrible person. But it happens. I feel so sad tonight.

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