Rick Mercer's latest rant on Maclean's is "Stephen Harper will resign". I bet you thought I'm here to say it's epic. I'm not. THERE IS SOMETHING EVEN BETTER HERE! Ladies and gentlemen, without qualification, I give you the first comment on this article: salty_pete on the future of Canada.
Stephen Harper will not resign. He will reign over our
nation like an undead king forever. To keep himself healthy and plump he will
bathe each morning in a tub filled with warm bubbling tar from his oil fields. Oil
industry yes men, meanwhile, will attend to him and dress him in robes of
finery before he goes out to sit, alone, in the house of parliament, presiding over
his nation. Stephen Harper will look young, and his hair will be raven black
from drinking up tar, but inside he will be all dust and creaking bones. Inside
he will be dry and his shriveled organs will rattle about like dried seeds.
Stephen Harper will rule over us forever. He will never go away. He will see to it
that nobody has a job because every institution in the country is wasteful, and
all the people who live here are living in a culture of self-defeat. They will
not be worthy of the jobs that don't exist. He will put us, the entire nation,
in prison and then contract foreign workers to guard us for pennies. Our
grandchildren will be born in chains.
Stephen Harper will never go away. He will hire sculptors to chisel the
country into the shape of his profile so that aliens will know which land is
his when they fly past. The aliens will hear the electric piano rock that
blasts out from Stephen Harper's Canadian Shield nostrils as they zoom by on
their way to watch Celine Dion (one of their own) singing in Las Vegas.
There will be no party leadership race.
Do not kid yourself. Those other hopefuls will blow away like
scraps of torn up lottery tickets and loose grain from the back of a pickup
crossing the prairies at 200 kilometers per hour.
Stephen Harper will not resign. Stephen Harper will never resign.
You are so salty, Pete. So salty.