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Everybody Dumps: The Weekend Double Dump UPDATED

I know all the stateside GroupThinkers are busy celebrating the VMA's or whatever, but it just hit me: my semester starts Monday. As in tomorrow.

I'm not ready, you guys. Not ready. At all. It's an all-freshman section this semester, and I still haven't recovered from the spring semester. (Student panic attacks in class? Students getting arrested? Students fighting other students outside of class and bringing the grudge with them to lecture? And let's not even talk about the grading.)

So tonight's DumpDate is going to inflict my dread on the rest of you. COLLEGE DUMPDATE.

This is to serious to work into the theme. Thanks for bringing it to our attention, Kirov. If that made you sad, check out the earlier conversation with Kirov's landlord. Bonus raccoon pictures!

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Scary parking lot encounters for Soup R Crackers. They probably just wanted your copy of the syllabus!

BRIMSG watches TV for work and I am jealous. This was my take-away from the VMA thread. Since I can't take TV to my job, I will just adopt the Dismiss Bunny and send it to students whose emails are silly (or rude)! Those angry end of semester evals will be your fault, BRIMSG!

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Warm fuzzies have no place on the eve of the fall semester, Hello_My_Lover!

Students can be awful for lots of reasons. This isn't one of the ones you anticipate. (RedHandedJill)

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All students should dress to impress (if they are female). Guys, you're ok in whatever. Right, ThereIsNoFluffy?

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For those of you who missed kindergarten, this is a gentle reminder not to hit people care of NinjaCate.

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When you can't find me during office hours, I'm probably hiding in the red tent. I need quiet time, you've gotta do what you've gotta do. See you there, MedusaAsudem?

This semester, we'll be offering a class on OKCupid dating. Lectures to be given by Uppity and Ravenmaze. We invited HeartRateRapid to give another but I guess that's not happening? Mandatory zero credit labs practicing online correspondence will meet on Fridays with HermioneStranger.

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Immediately following, the WS department will be giving a lecture on birth control. RokokoBang's attendance is mandatory.

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Giggling in the library has earned FadedMoon dirty looks from nearby studiers. Shhh!

Of course giggling is a great way to pick up the ladies. And that's what school is all about, right CouchPlanted?

Seriously, all this love in the library has distracted me from the books, which can be pretty sexy. Or they can if you're Violet_Baudelaire.

Trolls, like most undergraduates, should try harder. Learn motivational strategies for both (ok, just trolls) from IHatePickingNames! Of course, some trolls try really, really hard. MisfitToy schools them on staying current!

We can't talk college without talking about rape, unfortunately. (If you want to get really creeped out, look at this guy's mug shot. You can see the hole where his soul is supposed to be. Ugh.) MyDearPeabody has given me nightmare fodder.

In grad school? You need a cat. No really - it's on the syllabus! Fortunately, Skittish has just the one.

This Facebook post reads like some persuasive papers I may or may not have graded. Thanks, BRIMSG, for reminding me to remove all writing assignments from my syllabus.

Speaking of persuasive papers, NinjaCate has some arguments about the dreaded FriendZone.

Last, but not least, PetticoatDespot HAS SOME THINGS TO SAY because EXTROVERTS, like students (and Kanye West) have opinions.

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That's all I've got the energy for, folks: I have freshmen tomorrow.
See you on the other side.

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