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Everything is awful

Some of you may remember when I posted, a little over a year ago, that my husband had been diagnosed with testicular cancer. He had surgery, it went well, he was all clear.

We were told on Tuesday that the cancer is back, and it’s in his lymph nodes.

He has no blood markers for cancer, just like the first time. It was a fluke that he noticed it the first time, and I’m grateful the doctor paid attention because the cancerous area was so small as to be easily overlooked. This time, a CAT scan caught that a lymph node had doubled in size since the last time he was in for a check, 3 months ago. Another one is slightly enlarged. A PET scan (it uses a dye to highlight problem areas) showed both to be problem areas.


He goes in for a biopsy and the insertion of the chemo port on March 5th. The doctor gave a brief rundown on what will likely happen after that. He’ll have 3-4 weeks of intensive chemotherapy, going in several times a week, then another 3-4 months of once a week.

Our lives are already complicated, with me and 3 of the kids living in one state and Husband, Oldest, and Other-Husband 60 miles away in another. I’m still barely functional from my own recent health problems (dislocated sacroiliac joint), and I’m staying at my mom’s right now, taking care of her because she just had a hip replacement.

I just... I don’t know what to do. I know he wants me to move back and be with him while he goes through this, but we absolutely can’t all fit in his tiny apartment. I also feel that I can’t uproot the kids in the middle of the school year, especially BabySmacks who has finally settled in (he has had some serious mental health struggles). I can’t just up and leave the kids with my housemate while I move back for months.

I had moved with the kids in the first place so they would have access to better schools and better support (all of them are in special education programs), and I really hate the idea of bringing them back to the poorly rated schools in their dad’s area.


There’s really no good options. I have no idea what to do except to just keep putting one foot in front of the other.

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