I am exhausted every day, literally in every way these days. Emotionally, psychologically, and physically. A long series of unfortunate events has drained me to the point where sometimes even talking about it makes me tear up and forces me into carefully measured breathing and thinking exercises so I don't have a melt down. I feel too ashamed to even talk about it on GT, and like, I'm fairly certain we've all talked about our butts and periods. Logically, I know that other people's choices and actions are not a reflection on me or my worth but I'm having a hard time shaking it off and it's stopping me from asking for help - which sucks.
I know I've got to keep it together because I'm the family's rock right now but I am really, really looking forward to a weekend in June when most of the stressors have just calmed a little bit and I go camping by myself or find a cheap hotel room in another city. I can sleep until I wake up with nobody waking me up for reassurance that things will be ok and we'll find a way out of this mess, breastmilk snack and burping, and proving that there are no monsters in the closet.