I try to post interesting or fun things to GT but it seems most of my post are dedicated to the most negative subject in my life: the relationship. Last night boyfriend and I got into a huge fight. Because I asked him to do two chores.
I left for work early monday morning, left work to spend the night near the beach for work. Where I got up again at 5 to work. I didn't get home until well after midnight.
In my absence boyfriend did a really nice thing, he bought me a standing mirror because he was going to Ikea anyway with a colleague and thought about me. Tuesday evening he spent the night taking apart the couch and washing the covers. Which was a nice thing to do.
But when I returned home from work wednesday the house was a mess. There was a pile of laundry in the living room. All the dirty dishes from sunday, monday and tuesday were laying throughout the living room. The dishwasher wasn't emptied and there were wrappers, foodstuffs, all over the place. The covers were hanging around and the couch wasn't finished yet. I quickly prepared the food because boyfriend wanted to watch the game, no prob. Tidied up the living room, put some covers on the couch, folded the laundry pile. I was a bit annoyed that it was such a mess but ca va. I'd barely slept 6 hours in the last 2 days and worked at least 30. After I finished I sat down next to boyfriend and asked him if he could finish the countertop in the kitchen and put on the rest of the covers. He says 'I don't want to do that tonight'. I looked at him visibly annoyed but decided to go with an 'ok' instead.
Then things started exploding. He started getting into it, he was tired, why was I ordering him around. I told him I was tired, had a long day and it would've been nice to come back to a somewhat tidy house (I wouldn't even dare complain about the stacks of floorboards, furniture parts and lamps that are stil laying around the house) but oke.
I walked to the kitchen to start to clean it. He stormed off to the bedroom. Stormed back with tears in his eyes a few minutes later with a garbage bag and started shoving handfuls of stuf (money, sunglasses, etc.) into it "You want me to clean?? I'll clean!!"
Things just escalated form there.
He says that I treat him like a child. That I give him orders. He felt like I don't appreciate anything he does (say
ing thank you many times is not appreciating) especially not because I said "well I would've rather you'd cleaned up the mess a bit and then we could've done the sofa and mirror-work together". That I'm selfish and a jerk for always wanting to have things my way (reasoning being : he was bothered by the coach, so he cleans that. I'm bothered by the mess and I ask him to help out with it after he already did so much the day before). I shouldn't push him so much since he doesn't push me to do things (I really don't mind a 'could you do the curtains soon?' at all). He feels like he's been walking on eggshells since our last conversation and nothing is ever good enough for me. It's completely unreasonable of me to be visibly annoyed when he doesn't want to do something because if I do I'm manipulating him because he wants to make me happy.
I think what made him the most upset and flabbergasted is the fact that even after an hour and a half of accusing me of all kinds of things, crying, anger and just general what-the-fuckery I didn't change my mind. I stil told him "I just asked you a question and you just flipped right out. If I get annoyed by something thats NBD, I'll get over it. I DO appreciate the things you do, that doesn't mean I can't ask you to do a chore, they are separate things."
I feel like an asshole. He was crying because he feels that he can't measure up to my impossible expectations. Meanwhile I spent the whole conversation pretty much being jennifer lawrence right there.
I woke up just thinking about what an asshole I am. That I wish I was dead. That I'm so mean and cruel. And with 'She's as cold as ice' in my head, because I wasn't swayed. In fact I wasn't even emotional. I am today, but most of it is overwhelming "What the FUCK was that conversation?"
I have no idea where to go from here. I don't know what to do. There's no way to have a conversation. I can't fathom how he can imagine that I have a safe place in this house to say _anything_ to him, let alone talk to him about his behavior. I don't have the energy to try and fight this battle. I just can't get through it. Every time I say anything he throws a curveball at me!
Secretly I hope he's going to a bar tonight so I can pack my stuff, write a long letter, take a bath and be out of there before he gets home. Some days of space wil help.
Tell me what to do GT.. Because I have no idea what to do now.