I'm skeptical on the possibility of this, but I'm going to try to get over Sokka for good. Maybe it's because everyone has advised me to do it, maybe it's because it is frustrating and embarrassing to constantly long for a guy, maybe I've just now gotten the facts through my head, but any way my internal compass is off and that was the only thing keeping me calm about these feelings.

Whenever I used to think about my future in relation to him there was, in the center of it all, a sense of calm and warmth and certainty. Like a big old baobab or an ancient boulder partially submerged in a lake. These images weren't just about him, they were about all sorts of things—but as far as Sokka went, I wouldn't know how things would turn out, I wouldn't know what form our future would take, but I knew it would be ok between us somehow. That there was and would always be a certain kind of love—it could be strong platonic love, it could be romantic, but it would always exist. Now just wasn't the time to manifest it because neither of us were ready.

But since Sokka started seriously seeing someone else I've been depressed and off. I search inside myself for that tree, that boulder, that compass that tells me everything is going to be ok but I can't find it. I'm emotionally all over the place and I can't find that center at all, and it feels like I wasted my time and I'm a little bit disgusted. I want my clarity back, so I guess I have to throw some emotional baggage off the ship.

I've hidden him from all my social media and tomorrow i'll delete his texts. I will miss him desperately as both a friend and a person I'm in love with, and right now it feels like radical surgery to systematically freeze and cut him away, but for the sake of his happiness and mine I've got to try.

I honestly don't know if I want this to fail or succeed.