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When I met darling Mr. Waffle, I knew he was a recovering alcoholic with depression. I knew there would be some issues that we'd have to deal with.


I love him. I do. I love him and I will be committed to him until the day my hair literally starts falling out and I have to have him committed (not a joke, not hyperbole, we have gotten close).


So on top of alcoholism, these are the problems that have surfaced since our relationship started: sleep apnea, chronic fatigue, SAD, ADD, anxiety, and erectile dysfunction. Most of these are being treated one way or another. He's on a CPAP, which has immensely improved the sleep apnea and also the chronic fatigue. He's on Paxil, which helps the depression and anxiety. We can't treat the ADD because he's abused the medication in the past and is very hesitant to try anything other than behavioral therapies (we can't have analog clocks in our home because of the ticking). The ED is mostly a result of the antidepressants, but we get a couple of Vitamin V's once in a while for vacation sex, so there's that.

But since Winter showed up and crapped all over the Midwest, the SAD is in full swing, and it is a force to be reckoned with. Like I said, I love him. But winter makes me want to smash things because I suddenly have to be adult for two. It's almost as if his brain shuts down and he JUST. CANNOT. DEAL.

This morning we woke up and he immediately got dressed, picked up the keys, and started heading out the door to start up the car... 45 minutes early. I tried to stop him, but as soon as I got in the shower, he went out and did it anyway, so the car had been running for a full 40 minutes before we actually got in it. But if I mention Christmas presents, he starts freaking out about money. Sure, running the car in -9 temps doesn't cost a penny.

To his credit, he puts together my lunch while I'm getting ready for work. Last night I'd bought a salad. I put a couple cans of soda in the bag and said, "Okay, my lunch is ready for tomorrow!" This morning he put a couple of sodas and a yogurt in a different bag and asked if there was anything else I wanted. I said that I'd already packed my lunch, and he threw his arms in the air and yelled, "Well I don't know where it is!"


He gets very cranky, he acts childish, he forgets things, he panics... It can be very, very frustrating, especially since I have no outlet for venting except here. My family, from the outside looking in, sees our relationship as lopsided and to a degree they're right. I am the breadwinner, I'm the one working 8.5 hours a day at a job I don't entirely like.

He's in school for the third time since we've gotten together, and although he's loving it and doing very well, I worry about what will happen when he's done. He has a pretty crappy work history, and while I want to hope that it will be better now that he's doing what he likes, we couldn't depend entirely on him so I can go back to school for a while. He wants to move to a warmer climate immediately after he's done with school, but I'm gun-shy because of our impromptu move to San Diego that resulted in our bankruptcy.


So, winter is a very rough time for me because it's a rough time for him and I have to compensate for his limitations. It's exhausting.

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