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F* You Uterus

TMI Warning


Seriously, body? So, I just got a push notification on my phone that "The period is coming in 5 days" Let's just first ignore the fact that this app chooses to call it "THE PERIOD" Really? THE period. No. I don't like it. Why not your period? I mean, how many dudes do they think are using this app to track their SO's period/fertility cycles?

But the real issue here is that my last period just ended three days ago and it was fifteen. fucking. days. long. Quince. Quinze. Quindecim. Fünfzehn. Quindici. 15!!!! Dear GOD! Please spare me. Also, this 15-day period occurred just 12 fucking days after the last one. Me thinks it's time to call the gyno if Mama Flow really does come a-knocking again in the next few days. Also, this is weirdly making me nervous I'm actually pregnant or something... What's wrong with me?

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