If anyone has any experience or wisdom to share, it would really help me. My parents are newly divorced, and while I could write a novel about it, I'll try to keep it short: my dad had an affair/left my mother for this woman. It's for the best, really.
My dad is a narcissist. He wanted a clean break and is quite irritated at all these FEELINGS my "melodramatic" family seems to have. He wants everyone to be on his "side" when we don't want to have sides.
The problem is, my father has morphed into a huge asshole. He has always had a little bit of a short temper, and I think my mother acted like a buffer. And now we don't have that buffer.
He was saying such hurtful things to me, that I cut him off and we have been estranged for about a year and a half. He forces my siblings into uncomfortable situations with the threat of not financially supporting them through college. He harasses my mother on a regular basis (I suggested she investigate some sort of court order).
He started seeing my therapist - and we had a plan to start doing sessions together - but he broke my heart and quit therapy.
He is trying to abuse my mother from afar.
My mother barely talks about him. She has given us space to grieve and process our feelings, and has been a calming and comforting presence in our lives. But my father has been accusing her of "poisoning" us against him, and harasses her on a regular basis, and lies about her. I can't handle it.
Every time I get hope to reconcile, he does something like spend an entire day convincing my mother that I told him she ruined my life and saying he's going to press charges for child abuse, which have no grounds (he did this yesterday). Then she calls me crying, I have to explain to her that I didn't tell him that stuff. And then I am so hurt and pissed off I can't even fathom the idea of speaking to him.
He is actively trying to destroy my relationship with her. How can this man have ANY consideration for the well-being of his children if he's trying to destroy their mother? I don't think he deserves my love or affection.
Parental Alienation Syndrome
My father thinks he is a victim of this. To me, it sounds mostly like parents bitter from custody battles trying to exact revenge. Either way, my therapist thinks it's a load of crap, but also that it doesn't even apply to me because my mother is not making me fear my father. The weirdest part is that it is EXACTLY what he is trying to do regarding my mother - convince us that she is trying to hurt us.
There is nothing that hurts me more than this accusation. By believing this nonsense, he absolves himself of all responsibility. By believing this crap, he invalidates my pain - asserting that it is not real, that it is the result of me being tricked or misunderstanding the situation.
I've never had a panic attack, but I think I almost have.
I haven't spoken to him other than a few short emails in a long time, but if he calls me (which I don't answer), I lose my vision for a minute, get lightheaded, feel as if my heart has stopped, lose my hearing. I almost get that way when I just HEAR about him.
I don't see how I can get through this moment. When I envision it, I can feel myself start to just exit my body. This sounds ridiculous, but I'm thinking of just getting super stoned the whole time (this is NOT usually my way of operating when I don't want to do something - in fact, I've never gotten stoned for anything but general fun).
I don't know what to do. I only want to make this bearable for the rest of my family, and for my grandparents. Everyday I come a little closer to the conclusion that my father's and my relationship is over, but I can't keep avoiding family functions because of him. And I'm sick of the responsibility of reconciliation being on my shoulders.