Update: My mom tried to guilt me further, implying that I was thinking of myself more than the kids, telling me that this wasn’t a sudden decision and that I couldn’t bury my head in the sand. I told her that it was sudden, since as of Saturday no one had any definite plans to move. I said that I was not opposed to moving but I was opposed to doing it that quickly. I told her that I had serious doubts about the my ex living with them and thought that they were both underestimating how difficult it would be. She said they will back off and follow my lead. Who knows how true that is.
As far as my ex, I told him that it was completely inappropriate for him to be making plans with my mom and the kids before I was involved. He claimed that he didn’t tell the kids they were moving, but I asked them separately later and they both thought they were. He said this wasn’t his fault. I told him that it was because he was relaying plans to them that he and my mother were making, and they had no idea I wasn’t involved or that these weren’t definite. I explained that he could have easily avoided this confusion by not talking to the kids before me. He also said that he just wanted what was in the kids’ best interest, and has no ulterior or self-serving motive. Not true.
Bottom line is that I told both of them it’s not happening and that they should never be making plans for my family without my involvement.
I still live with my ex-husband. It works for us, at least now, because of cost savings and kid management. We had planned to stay in this situation for a year, after which some financial things would be settled that would make things easier for both of us. In a delightful surprise, he lost his job at the end of August. He is getting unemployment and also got a severance check of about $20k. (I have this money, since lying and mismanagement of money were major contributors to our divorce). We had talked about moving to Cleveland where my parents live because it’s cheaper and we would have family support there. We didn’t talk about any specific dates or have any firm plans. I do believe the kids would be better off living near my parents. They spend summers with my parents and really thrive there. We are tenuously hanging on in a ridiculously expensive city so the idea of more affordable housing is an attractive one as well.
My ex and my mom got to texting. My mom really wants us to move there. The ex doesn’t have anything tying him here anymore since he’s jobless. Ex thinks it would be easier to find work there if he lived there. I would stay here until I could find a job since I wouldn’t get unemployment if I just quit and I would lose my insurance. Together they came up with the plan that he and the kids should move to Cleveland ASAP since school has already started there. (We don’t start for another week.) This plan was hatched while I slept in on Sunday morning. Ex told the kids. Now everyone is on board with moving to Cleveland in a week. Except me.
This seems completely rushed. MAJOR decisions have been made without my input. The kids were told without my input. Everyone says they think it’s a good idea but won’t do anything unless I agree. So now I’m the fucking bad guy who will make everyone sad if I say no and that is not fair. Why do I think it’s a bad idea? Ex has no job yet. He will be living with my parents. He and my mom have had spats before since they can both be passive-aggressive and childish. I don’t think they realize what it would be like to share the same space, long-term. I think everyone has an idealized view of how it would be. I’m getting pressure in the form of multiple daily texts from both sides, asking for my decision. I don’t know what the fuck to do. I’m not opposed to moving at a later time, I’m just opposed to the suddenness of this and the way it came about. It’s not a possibility for just him to move because my job and the kids’ school schedules do not work together at all.