Does anyone have some stories about having a good support system among friends after family has let you down repeatedly?
I can't sleep. My head has been spinning for two days. I'm trying my best to move through all of this but I am so fucking incredibly hurt. It keeps coming in waves and I feel completely overwhelmed by everything. I don't want to keep struggling like this. I got a long text from
my mom's sister tonight. I had asked her when this whole moving mess started, if i'd be able to sleep on a couch/floor/in their guest room for the last 4 weeks of class, in the event that I can't find anywhere else to go that's closer to my school. She said that according to my uncle, I'd be too much in the way, and would interrupt their sons' routine in the morning by being there, so I can't go there. I wish I could take this at face value and assume it's all for the best, but I hear these voices in the back of my mind saying "No one in your family gives a fraction of a shit about you." This stuff keeps happening, and I keep going back, and I keep getting hurt, but your family is supposed to be there for you no matter what, right?
I feel like I'm wearing this banner that says "black sheep" that I've done nothing to deserve. Even aside from that, it kills me to see friends of mine who have made serious mistakes in life (their own words) be accepted with open arms by their families, with help, with support, with unconditional care. I know that's how it should be. Yet here I am, I have worked so hard to claw my way out of depression and basically feeling fucking worthless, by toeing the line, supporting myself, putting myself in therapy, teaching myself the things they didn't teach me and by all accounts were supposed to... And I get down to my rock bottom and get kicked as I'm lying there. Like I'm not worth even a minor inconvenience to them.
I'm feel like I keep airing this out here, but I don't know where else to do it. I love my IRL friends, they are wonderful, but they have their own families and jobs and concerns and all they can really do is look sad and say "that really sucks."
I just wish I had some kind of faith that this shit won't keep owning me.